Jamie's Magical Hogwarts Adventures
by SnapeSexy
Summary: Jamie, an exchange student, comes to Hogwart and meet the usual cast, including a new teacher, Dabuya and well, is rated R for a reason, mainly sketchyness...
1. Train Adventures

Hello my friends. It is I, Snape=Sexy. I'm here again with more exciting tales of enchantment and delight. It's going to be something different with Snape, of course... The story itself is going to be told by a third year from Ravenclaw. Of course, his, Harry, Ron, Hermione, Draco, Fred, George and Snape's futures will come together in a way I hope you find amusing. Just a notice, at some points, some character may be OOC, if you know what I mean... THIS WILL GET SKETCHY SO PREPARE FOR THE WORST!!! Do enjoy this little installment and if all goes well, there might be another chapter.  
  
Disclaimer- I do not own any such thing that is of Harry Potter or any other movies and/or books, mainly meaning Eurotrip.  
  
Jamie's Magical Hogwarts Adventures  
  
Hello. My name's Jamie MacBoon and I come from the city of Atlantis. Oh, don't give me that kind of look. The Muggles made up some stupid story about it sinking into the ocean. It's complete and utter bullcrap. Atlantis actually exists in the good old US of A, off the southern coast of Louisiana. It exists in the 53rd state. There are actually up to 67 states but the muggles don't know of them. I grew up in an American home, hung out with my friends, and went to the New Orleans Academy of Witchcraft and Wizardry. That would explain why it's such a cool place.  
  
Well, to tell you about myself, I'm a medium sized kid, about 5'8", with dark brown shoulder length hair and green eyes. I've got a nice tan and I would have to say, I am definitely a ladies man. The chics really dig me. In fact, they fight over who gets to walk with me to each class. Life is pretty sweet. But this all changed when I heard I was being transferred to a new school. Hogwarts, in Europe.  
  
Now I've heard some weird things about Hogwarts. Supposedly, they've got a poltergeist and haven't bothered to get rid of it. I've also heard that the famous Harry Potter goes there. I want to meet this guy and see if he's really all he's cracked up to be. I also heard the headmaster is an old guy with a failing memory and the teachers are old too. I think the only good thing about this school is going to be the hot chics and possibly, Harry Potter.  
  
--  
  
Later that day, I was standing on Platform 9 ¾ waiting to get on the train. It took a while, considering the amount of people trying also to get on it. Once I got on, I traveled until I found a cabin with only three people. I knocked then entered. The three looked up, some nerd with unruly hair, some guy with red hair and some hot chic with really big hair.  
  
"Ummm... Hey. Is it all right if I stay here? You know, no empty seats..."  
  
The three nodded, then the hot chic spoke up, "Hi. Are you new?"  
  
"Well, yes. I transferred from the New Orleans Academy of Witchcraft and Wizardry in the US." I stuck out a hand and winked at her. She blushed and shook my hand.  
  
"I'm Hermione." Then she motioned to the two guys, "These two are Ron Weasley and Harry Potter."  
  
I stared at the redhead. Did she just say he was Harry Potter? I shook his hand, "Nice to meet ya Harry."  
  
"Ummm, I'm Harry." I turned to look at the nerd. I blinked. I thought the famous Harry Potter would be some hot guy super hero type, much like the red head guy I sat next to. I looked over at Ron and smiled. He kinda smiled and inched away slightly.  
  
Suddenly the door opened and some hot blond guy walked in and stared at us, with a sexy smirk on his lips. "Why, if it isn't Potty, Weasel and... the chic with big hair... Er, I need a better insult." Then his gazed hit me and he went to insult me but then stopped, "And who are you?"  
  
I smiled, "I'm Jamie MacBoon."  
  
He sat down between my new toy, the hot chic and the nerdy kid and pulled out the Daily Prophet, while he lightly rubbed his foot across the nerd's leg as he crossed his own. I stared at him, and then glanced at Ron next to me. Damn! Why must I choose between the hot people!! Then next thing I knew, the lights went out.  
  
"Huh?" Then the lights came back on and the hot blond guy had a hand on Harry's leg and he read the paper casually.  
  
Harry looked very uncomfortable and loudly asked, "Draco, what are you doing?!"  
  
Draco, so that's his name. Anyway, Draco looked over at Harry and noticed that he did indeed have a hand on Harry's leg. "Oh! Excuse me! Excuse me!" he said, using an Italian accent. We all stared, wondering way he was doing. Harry smiled at Hermione and they both bolted across the cabin to take the extra seat. Hermione got there first and the three of us pushed Harry back towards the sexy blond. Draco smiled and patted the seat next to him. Harry reluctantly sat back down and scooted toward the window as far as he could. Draco smiled at Harry and inched towards him so Harry had no room between them. Ron waved good-bye to Harry. Harry gave him a questioning look and Draco causally shrugged his shoulders. Then the lights went back out.  
  
When the lights came on again, Draco was rubbing Harry's shoulders and had a very interesting look on his face; his eyes were slightly bulging and he was staring intently at Harry with a look mixed with concentration and lust. Harry jumped up.  
  
"What the hell are you doing?!?!?!"  
  
Draco smiled at Harry again and quoted again, "Oh, excuse me, excuse me," and rubbed his shoulders faster yet. Harry jerked away and had a little freak out. Draco only smiled.  
  
Suddenly Ron gasped. "Ron! What is it?" I inquired.  
  
"Big tunnel ahead..." All of us pressed our faces to the window and gaped. Draco gave an all most sinister smile. Then the lights went, yet again.  
  
The cabin door opened and a red-haired girl came in listening to a Muggle contraption, a CD player. It was playing 'Hot Stuff.' She blinked as she couldn't see a thing and such phrases as, "Who's foot is that?" and my personal favorite, "They're separating the twins!!" were yelled. She stood there for a moment and then muttered to herself, "Walking away..." And then, she was gone. Then the lights came back on for the third time.  
  
The seating had changed so that Harry was now sitting where Hermione had been sitting and Hermione was sprawled across the three of us, her boobs practically in my face. "Heh heh, Ohhh right!!"(Family Guy reference, Quagmire is the man!) I smiled to myself and then I noticed Draco. He was sitting across the cabin, by himself, wearing only a pink, lacy bra and a pink British flag thong.  
  
Ummm... is it just me or are they freakier than most of the American kids?  
  
Hermione then blurted, "Hey!! That's my thong!!" Draco then smacked his scantily covered ass and inquired with his voice laced with innuendo,  
  
"Do you want it back?" He raised one eyebrow as if to say, 'come and get it.'  
  
Then Ron muttered, "That's mine..."  
  
Draco smirked, "What was that Weasel? This bra is yours? I didn't realize you had man boobs. This makes it all the more fun! Come and take them back, both of you... with your tongues..."  
  
I raised an eyebrow this time, "With their tongues? That's rather cliché." His gaze then turned towards me. He licked his lips and then advanced towards me. He jumped on the pile of people and we all fell onto the floor. It was a very awkward jumble on the small floor. Hermione had fallen on top of me and Ron on both of us. Draco had fallen and was straddling Harry and one of my legs. At this moment, the door opened and two boys who looked like Ron walked in.  
  
"Wow." Said the one with the G on his shirt. He closed the door after they came in.  
  
"Exactly what I thought brother. There's only one girl and Draco's practically naked."  
  
"Why weren't we invited?"  
  
"Oh well..." then the two jumped onto the pile. I later learned that they were Fred and George, two of Ron's older brothers.  
  
Then, again, the door opened and a small boy came in with a camera, "Hey Harry, I-" Fred reached over and pulled him into the pile before he could finish and quickly closed the door.  
  
"The more, the merrier I always say!" George announced as Fred jumped back into the pile. Next thing I knew, the twins were both straddling me, and the camera kid, known as Colin Creevey, was trying to grab at Harry while Draco was fumbling with Ron's shirt. Hermione had Harry pinned and then, the door open again.  
  
"Anything off the trolley-" she stared, "Oh my!" She then rummaged through her cart and tossed a box into the jumble, "I'll come back later when you're... busy..." She quickly shut the door and went to the next cabin. Draco reached over and locked the door.  
  
"Now, there's no interruptions..." He jumped on Ron who's shirt had disappeared at some point. 'Nice abs!' I thought, staring at him. Then I noticed a thong next to me and it wasn't the one Draco was wearing... Ten minutes and I'm already in a large primarily male orgy. Hermione must be loving this! My hand hit something hard and I looked to see the box. Flavored condoms. At least she was looking out for us. Suddenly I found my shirt being removed and someone was licking my face. Umm, okay.  
  
--  
  
About two hours later, when the train arrived at Hogwarts, we were all pretty spent. We were all just lying in a big sweaty pile. I'm not sure how much happened but I know I sure got a lot of action. Mainly from Fred, George and Draco but I did see everyone else too, except the camera kid. Everyone else hogged him.  
  
When we were dressed and presentable, we left the cabin and headed off the train. Once outside, a tall pale man with black hair was calling for third years to follow him. I waved goodbye to Fred and George and followed the throng of kids heading toward him. Upon reaching him, he announced, "Hello. As you should all know, I am Snape, the Potions Master. If you will follow me, we shall enter Hogwarts the back way."  
  
He lead us up to a tree and knocked on it three times with his wand, while muttering, "Cumquat."  
  
A few of us snickered and he gave us all dirty looks. We followed him into the tree and under the lake. How cool! We entered the castle, ending up in the dungeons. "All of you are to go to the Great Hall. Mr. Potter, Mr. Weasley, Mr. Malfoy and Mr. MacBoon, stay here."  
  
After everyone left, Snape motioned for us to follow him and he led us into a room marked Severus Snape. "All of you have detention with me starting after the Feast."  
  
"What?!"  
  
"Why?!"  
  
"We haven't done anything!!"  
  
"Oh, but you have..." Snape silenced our outraged protests, "I was in the cabin next to you and I heard to boys get a bit rowdy."  
  
All our faces reddened slightly. As we were leaving, I glanced back and saw Snape wink at me. He then smacked his ass and winked again. He then shut his door. Ooooooookkkkkkkaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyy... So my teacher is a horndog. Hmm...  
  
--  
  
How did you enjoy that? Was it to sketchy for you or not enough? I think I will make a second chapter. Do review this, will you? 


	2. Dabuya and the Wank

**Hello. It is I, Snape=Sexy. I've decided that this story is too good to pass up. So, I shall up-date it when I feel the need. Do enjoy this next segment. But first, I'd like to thank my three readers:**

**LFMPMD: Thanks and yes, Eurotrip is a very funny movie.**

**The Rogue Prince: I'm glad you liked it and again, Eurotrip is the best.**

**Vicioskitten156: Are you really vicious? Glad you liked it.**

**Disclaimer- I don't own Harry Potter or any other movie/book that shows up, mainly Eurotrip.**

**Jamie's Magical Hogwarts Adventure**

**We finally arrived at the Great Hall as I finished telling the others about what Snape did.**

**"Oh my god, Becky, look... Sorry guys, got a bit carried away..." Ron trailed off.**

**"So, Snape really winked at you and smacked his ass?!" Harry seemed slightly shocked, "Snape? The mean old 'I hate everyone' Potions Master winked at you?!"**

**"Yeah."**

**"Wow... And I missed it... Damn..."**

**We arrived at the big doors and walked into the bustle of the students. "Well guys," I yelled over the noise, "It was fun! Let's hang out tomorrow, say at the library, around... 11:00 maybe?"**

**Everyone nodded and I headed towards the Ravenclaw table. I thought I heard Harry mutter, "I wonder if he'd smack my ass..."**

**Dirty, dirty little nerd boy... I found an open seat at my table, well actually, the girls pushed some guy onto the floor so I'd have someplace to sit.**

**"Ladies, hello. How you doing?" I casually replied as I sat down.**

**"We're doing fine." One of them purred.**

**"Who are you sexy?" another asked.**

**"Jamie and who are all of you fine young ladies?"**

**They gave me their names and I think that if we weren't in the Great Hall, they would have all tried to do me at once, not that I'd mind...**

**Although, one girl in particular stood out. Her name was Cho Chang. She was one sexy piece of ass. I think I might add her to my 'To Do' list along with that Ron kid, Draco, Hermione, Fred and George and maybe Harry, if he lost the glasses and trimmed his hair slightly.**

**I pulled it out, wrote her name down and was stuffing it in my pocket when one girl asked, "What's that?"**

**"Oh, my To Do list."**

**"Oh." Then Dumbledore started to speak.**

**"Hello returning staff and to returning students. Please, bring in the first years."**

**The doors opened and lots of little children came into the hall. Professor McGonagall came out with an old hat. Then she called the names of the children and they were sorted into houses. When the sorting was done and the children at their tables, Dumbledore stood up again to speak.**

**"Again, I would like to welcome the returning students and staff and I'd like to welcome the new students and new staff." He motioned towards a tall man who was starting to bald slightly. "May I introduce Professor Dabuya."**

**Dabuya stood up and pulled a large white cowboy hat from under the table, put it on and tipped it as we politely applauded.**

**"Howdy Hogwarts!" he yelled to us.**

**I stared at him. He looked very familiar... Oh!!! I know who he is but what the hell is he doing in Europe?!**

**As I pondered this, Dumbledore announced it was feast time. The table in front of us then suddenly filled with food. And man, was it good food!! At last when we were stuffed, Dumbledore bid us all a good night.**

**So, with my new fan club, we headed for the fifth floor, where the Ravenclaw dormitories were. Upon reaching our statue of a naked chic or at least I think it's a chic..., we found Snape and Dabuya in a heated discussion.**

**When we were close enough, this is the conversation we heard:**

**"Y-you!! And that git Jackson?!"**

**"There ain't be nothin' wrong with him! He be my bestest friend."**

**Snape looked more disgusted than usual. Dabuya then noticed us standing there. "Oh! Howdy children! Me n' Snape here was just talkin' bout' my good friend Michael Jackson from America."**

**We stared. Michael Jackson? Oh god...**

**Snape spoke up in the uncomfortable silence, "Go to your dormitory or I'll take 50 points from Ravenclaw."**

**Cho spoke up, "Ummm... Excuse me Professor but we don't have any points yet and both of you are standing in front of our entrance."**

**"Oh." Snape looked slightly irked and he pushed Dabuya out of the way and moved. "Go."**

**"We can't. You're not supposed to know the password."**

**Dabuya suddenly perked up, "Passwords!! I love passwords!! Ooh! Ooh! Let me guess!! Oval Office!! Monica Lewinski!! Butterfly! Underwear!!" He started to giggle at his last guess, "Hehe... I said underwear..."**

**Snape gave an exasperated sigh and stalked off muttering, "Stupid yank..."**

**The only problem was that Dabuya heard him, "What?! Who's havin' a wank?"**

**I burst out laughing and fell onto the floor, rolling. My roars of laughter could be heard throughout the fifth floor.**

**Dabuya looked confused and walked off muttering, "What is a wank..."**

**As you can see, Jamie's already in for an interesting year. Sorry I didn't put too much Snape in there. I was trying to get a somewhat decent plot down. Also, I can't guaranty that every chapter will be really sketchy but I'll try. As always, my e-mail is in the profile, feel free. Please review!**


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